i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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