as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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