so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
