no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
