Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
