I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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