It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
