What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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