eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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