The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
