Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just threw up on my dentist
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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