Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
