She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
