I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
