God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
