he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
