this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
