We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
