I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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