i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
