Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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