Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
