then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
