If that was your dad, he is hot
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
