i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
