I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
