you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
