were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He shit in the fireplace
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