I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
