I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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