dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
