What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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