You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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