9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
