When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
