Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
