i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
