he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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