just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
