Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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