how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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