He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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