yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
