bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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