Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
