I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
