thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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