Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
