He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize