Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
