Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
