dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
