Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Less talking, more tequila
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
