Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
