I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
