I think my vagina is haunted
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
