you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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