i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
