everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
