i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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