i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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