i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Come see our sink grown plant.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize