i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
