I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I am morally bankrupt
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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