if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
