new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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