I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
