i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
