Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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