i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
