No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
