just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was CRYING into my vagina
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
