my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i out mim tonsoeep
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