yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
