he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
