Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
