Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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