FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
