P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
