I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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