last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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