i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
