They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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