I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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