She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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