They should really pass out barf bags in church
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
