Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
