I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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