Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
