Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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