She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize